Emotions like sadness, anger, fear, shame – you name it – are usually intense and uncomfortable. Especially when we are so hell bent on not feeling them, it seems they keep on popping up out of now where in the most inconvenient moments – when you want to go to sleep, when you are on a vacation with your loved ones, *insert pretty much any moment here*.

Let me guess, these moments when the intense feelings are surfacing is when you reach for comfort food, scroll mindlessly through your phone, binge-watch a whole season of friends, or sometimes all three of them at the same time – been there, done that.

I am sorry to tell you this: your strategy of distracting is not working. I imagine you have already noticed, because those uncomfortable feelings are just coming back another time or are just not going away in the first place.

Here is why: those so-called negative and painful emotions carry an important message. They are here for a reason. By pushing them down or covering them up, you deny a part of yourself that is upset, that is scared, that is uncomfortable – a part of you that desperately needs your attention. Hence the intense sensations in your body!

Breaking news: The only way out, is through!

Welcome all your emotions with open arms, not just joy and happiness and love! Play with the fear, the anger, the jealousy and the sadness. Lean into fully into it. The moment you do lean into the pain and the discomfort, something magical happens – it disappears within seconds. Have a conversation with that feeling. Let it know that you see it, hear it, feel it! Let it know you are there for it and that it is okey to surrender.

Here is a real life example of a situation I had last night.

I was going to bed and tried falling asleep. In those moments, without any distraction is when my uncomfortable feelings creep in the easiest. The thoughts start looping, creating a feeling and without noticing I am a full state of fear – my chest feels heavy, I find it hard to breath and it feels like I am drowning. My unknown future was giving me an anxiety and fear attack. I tried to just ignore it for a moment and fall asleep anyway. No chance! Then I remembered: Lean into the pain! So, I started to talk to my fear.

“Hey fear, I understand why you are here. I know those are scary times because there is so much unknown ahead of us. Your fears and concerns are totally valid. I see you, I hear you, I feel you. Thank you for making sure I am cautious and safe. However, your feelings are so intense at the moment, that it keeps me from having a cool head and see clearly. Would it be okey for you to dial down a little bit? This way I can take action to make sure we stay safe. I promise to listen to you better in the future and to interact with you more often, so you know you are heard and can relax, knowing I am taking care of things on my end.“

From the moment I said the words, I see you, I feel you, I hear you, the feeling of fear just left my body. I continued to talk to this part of me, which just wanted to be heard and make sure I was aware of the potential danger. I just fell asleep talking to my fear.

The fear is not forgotten, I am still aware of the risks and potential tricky situations in my future, however, I can breathe, it is not a feeling in my body anymore but an awareness in my mind. I can move on with my life and make decisions as well as take actions from a place of calm and clarity.

Give it a try, give your feelings attention and listen to them. Let them have a voice and the space they need and deserve instead of just ignoring them without success – watch the magic happen.